jigawatt's rules of email etiquette

I wasn't going to post this just yet, but circumstances have forced my hand.

Yesterday, I received a forwarded email telling me that Bill Gates would send me about $200 for every person I forwarded the email to. Not too surprising. I think I've gotten that exact email about twenty times in the past few years. The part that made my jaw drop was the little message that the person who forwarded it to me (and 98 other people) wrote:

Hello all. Just wanted to see if this works. All the "credible" testimonials got me. On a personal note. I defended my master's thesis at LSU recently and will shortly be a Master of Mass Communication. Impressive huh?

[name withheld]

Before I received this email, I didn't have much of an opinion about LSU's Mass Communication school.

I do now.

So, without further ado, here are jigawatt's rules of email etiquette.

1. Put a good subject on your email. Sometimes I spend more time thinking of a good subject than I do on the actual email.

2. If you forward an email, make sure the subject is in there somewhere. If there was no good subject in the email you're about to forward, make up a good one before you forward it, and put it in the subject line. None of this "FW:fw:FW:FW:FW:FW CuTe StOrEy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". This tells me nothing. Change it to "FW: Octopus saves baby squirrels" or something like that.

3. Spell check. Ok, I know how tough it is to completely eliminate spelling errors. I'm not talking about an occasional slip up. I'm talking about when every other word is misspelled. Give your readers a little more credit than that.

4. If you ever think about forwarding an email that's a warning of some dangerous chemical or one that's an amazing story, check three websites before you do - Snopes, breakthechain.org, and Scambusters. If they say its false, then don't send it. Simple as that. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Bill Gates ain't never gonna send you any money. Deal with it.

5. If you decide to forward an email that has been forwarded several times before you got it, delete all that trash stuff in the middle. Make it sleek; delete everything except the Actual Email Content (i.e. what you think I actually want to read). It's easy to do. Just use the "Delete" key on your keyboard. That's the key to the right an a little up from the big "Enter" key. It says "Delete" on it. If for some strange reason I want to see where the email originated, I'll email you back and ask for it. Also, it just looks funny to read the poem "Jesus' Footprints in the Sand" with a disclaimer at the bottom that says

"The information contained in this communication is confidential, may be attorney-client privileged, may constitute inside information, and is intended only for the use of the addressee. Unauthorized use, disclosure or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by telephone and return the original message to us at the address above via the United States Postal Service. Thank you.."

Maybe your company automatically adds this to all emails and you can't take it off. I understand, but it still looks funny.

6. If you're sending an email out to lots of different people, especially people who might not know each other, use blind carbon copy (BCC). This hides all the email addressees. This is important because Alice, your friend from church, might decide that Charles, your investment broker, needs to be put on every mailing list she ever comes across. Something tells me that Charles doesn't want Aunt Suzie's Quick Vegetable Recipe Of The Day delivered to him each morning. He also probably doesn't want to be a recipient of every "FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW" email that Alice receives. And we all know that Alice thinks Bill Gates will SOME day give her $200 for every person she forwards that message to. Let's just hope she's not making that a critical part of her retirement planning.

7. If you're chatting on IRC, it's ok to use acronyms and abbreviations liberally. After a good joke, you can say "ROTFL". If you're startled, quickly type "OMG". This is ok for chatting where time is of the essence, but not in an email. I shouldn't have to ask a junior high kid to decipher anything you send me.

8. If you see something interesting on the web, don't click on the site's "email this to a friend" link. That will send the entire page, pictures and all, to my inbox, and it will take up much more space than it ought to. Plus, that's tantamount to adding my email address to an "it's ok to spam me" list since that website now knows another valid email address (i.e. mine). Instead, go to the Address bar near the top of your browser. Highlight the URL (that's the thing that begins with "http") and hit Ctrl+c. Then start writing me an email and just hit Ctrl+v to paste the URL in there. I can handle it from there. If the URL is very long and unwieldy, copy it anyway, but go to tinyurl.com and make it small, then email me the small one.

9. For some reason, some emails I get don't have any text to them at all. Rather, the actual email message is an attachment in the form of a .txt file or a .msg file. I'm not sure how this happens, but it's very annoying. Please let me know if my emails come to you that way.

10. If your message is longer than just a few sentences, use multiple paragraphs. You don't have to indent at the beginning of a paragraph, but at least separate main points from other main points. It makes it much easier to read.

11. If it's at all possible, use only one email address. This means getting some address other than a work or school address. It also means that it wouldn't be a good idea to use your email address associated with your ISP. I use Cox’s cable internet service and I have no idea what my email address with them is. I own my own domain, so I plan for my personal email address to forever and always be jigawatt@jigawatt.us My suggestion is to use yahoo or gmail or some other web based email client that will probably be around for a long time. Then, you don't have to worry about telling all your friends and family about your new email address when you change jobs or graduate from school, or change your ISP.

12. If it's at all possible, don't send pictures through email. If you have your own web space, post pictures there and send a link to the pictures in an email. It saves time and emailbox space. There are also lots of picture hosting services out there now if you don't have your own web page. Once someone sent about 12MB of BITMAP picture files to our entire office of 100+ people. Our email system ground to a halt for about half an hour. That brings about another point. Convert all your pictures to .jpg format before sharing them.



Well, that's all the ones I can think of right now. Please feel welcome to add some more in the comments. Also, don't be afraid to send me email. I won't bite your head off if it's not perfect :)

jigawatt's thought of the day

"I wish the Democrats were in power again. We really need the government to cut spending."

- jigawatt on the fiscal irresponsibility of the Republican Party

**UPDATE 2006-03-29 14:10 CST**
I did something yesterday that I've been thinking about doing for a while. I changed my political party affiliation from Republican to Independent. Of course, being an Independent doesn't align me with any particular party, but two other parties that I looked at are the Libertarian Party and the Constitution Party. For various reasons I did not choose either of these.

Two Videos

Here are two videos that are worth watching.

"More"

At despair.com
http://www.despair.com/watchmore.html

or download
http://edit.store.yahoo.com/lib/moremovie/movemovie.mov



"Bring me to Life" by Evanescence - flash movie by Brian Jew

At sfdt.com
http://www.sfdt.com/flash/hosted/movies/17151.html

or download
http://www.sfdt.com/flash/movies/swf/17151-bmtl.swf

There's the Dollar!

Here's the answer to the riddle proposed last week.

The men effectively paid $27 total for the room. Where is this $27? $25 of it is in the hotel's cash register, and the other $2 is in the pocket of the dishonest clerk. So it's incorrect to add the $2 that the clerk kept to the $27 that the men paid because that $2 is part of the $27. The only money that is not part of the $27 is the $3 that the men got back, and of course, $27 + $3 = $30.

What's the speed?

Warning: trigonometry ahead

Here's another mathish problem for your enjoyment. There's no trick here, it's just a tough problem.

There are four points, A, B, C, and D. You wish to travel from point A to point C. You travel in a vehicle that, when it's engaged, only goes at exactly one speed; no more, no less.

You know that angle BCD = 90 degrees. You also know that the length of segment DC = 10 miles, and the length of BC also equals 10 miles.

There are three paths you can take to get from A to C:
Going from A straight to C takes 30 minutes.
Going from A to B to C takes 35 minutes.
Going from A to D to C takes 40 minutes.

See the following illustration (it's clickable):



For convenience, I've defined angle ACD as theta and angle ACB as 90-theta.

Find the speed of your vehicle.


I'll post a solution in a week or so.

**UPDATE**
Hong Kim busted up some trig and got the solution. Here's my solution to the problem. Hong, is this similar to the approach you took?

ERROR: #DIV/0

There's some guy with a website who says that anything divided by zero equals zero. The name of his (or her) website is Zero by Zero

Since the person does not give his name, I will refer to him as Mr. Point (his email address is pointofnodivision@yahoo.ca)

Now, I can only imagine a few possibilities for this.

1. This person is genuninely confused and thinks that armed with a 3rd grade understanding of mathematics, he can correct the most brilliant mathemeticians in the world. In this case, he is ignorant and chooses to remain as such since he's been given ample proof of his ignorance.

2. This person knows better than to divide by zero, but he likes to make people mad, so he's only playing like he's a moron. His plethora of ad hominium arguments seems to point to this option.

3. It's purely satire - he is just poking fun at the mathematical establishment and at those kinds of people (i.e. morons) who he himself is put forth to be.

Now, there are plenty of reasons not to divide by zero. I put forth only one to Mr. Point. He has a section of his website where he tries to prove division by zero based on electrical resistors. This is my area of expertise, so I choose to call him on the floor about this one. I reproduce my correspondence with him below.

This is my original email to Mr. Point.

(Feb 10, 2006)
Your understanding of electrical resistance is fundamentally flawed. An open circuit (e.g. a resistor or a light bulb burning out) has a resistance that is extremely high (approaching infinity), not a zero resistance.

Think of it in terms of Ohm's Law. If the current in a burned out light bulb is zero (which we both agree that it is), then by Ohm's Law (Current = Voltage / Resistance), Resistance has to approach infinity for any given voltage.

An open circuit will continue to block current unless the voltage gradient across the open terminals exceeds the diaelectric strength of the material separating them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dielectric_strength

On the other hand, superconductors (which are genuine examples of zero electrical resistance) allow non-zero current to exist even without the presence of a voltage. If you tried to apply Ohm's Law to this situation (which you can't due to the non-ohmic characterics of superconductors - much like how Newton's laws of motion break down at speeds near the speed of light), you'd get (Current = Voltage / Resistance) = 0 Volts / 0 Ohms = {some positive number of Amps}

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superconductor


jigawatt

Here is Mr. Point's reply.

(Mar 5, 2006)
You do not understand the point which is that we measure the resistance of the WIRE. Not space! The more wire the more resistance it has on electricity... as wire increases so does resistance. If you increase the wire ininitaly then you will have infinite resistance by the wire.

Space has 0 resistance on electricity. All mater and electricity travel THROUGH SPACE feely. Matter and electricity DO NOT MOVE THROUGH SPACE OF INFINITE RESISTANCE TO THEM... IF THEY HAD INFINITE RESISTACE THEY COULD NOT MOVE. The universe would not move!!! Space has zero resistance. Resistance is a quality of matter resisting matter.

Now if you decrease the wire size you decrease it's resistance. Now when will you have 0 ohms OF WIRE... Thats when you have none... for the smallest amount of wire will give you the smallest posible resistance of wire.


Think of it in terms of Ohm's Law. If the current in a burned out light bulb is zero (which we both agree that it is), then by Ohm's Law (Current = Voltage / Resistance), Resistance has to approach infinity for any given voltage.


>>> What you are sugesting is that I'm supose to divide by infinity to get 0 amps

12 volts / infinity = 0 amps ? Acording to you

I'm stating that by corecting our system you could state

12 volts / 0 ohm (resistance of missing wire, the resistance of the gap) = 0 amp

0 ohms is the indication I have a gap between my two points of measurment of wire too big for electricity to bridge between. But that does not mean this gap is infinitely resisting the electricity. Electricity is free to travel through space. It's only resistance is the wire holding it back. The resistance of the wire is the magnet for the electrons in a sence. The suplied voltage is the push of electrons. The wire is the required conduit. Removing it means you have 0 conduit for electron flow. BUT IF YOU INCREASE THE VOLAGE INFINITALY YOUR ELECTRONS WILL FLOW OVER SPACE WITOUT THIS WIRE, LIKE SPARKS THEY WILL ATTACH TO ANYTHING JUMPING ACROSS WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS AN INFINITE SPACE RIGHT ACROSS TO THE OTHER END OF THE WIRE OR ANY OTHER MATTER.

You nor I have ever worked with a super conductor. All you know is what you read. And if the book is wrong then so are you for all you can tell me is what other people wrote and what other people concluded as being so.

I dont know why I even waste my time with you thinking there is hope here for you. I guess I'm supose to learn to divide by infinity and you're the one to tell me how. All to reach the same conclusion both will produce a number 0. Do you have a calculator for me wich divides by infinity? I supose it's all of a sudden ok to multiply and divide by infinity by you people because youuuuuuuuuuuu are so dam smart that you can also break the rules and mix finite math with an infinite values. Ya you read a book on it. Maby some dum as even gave you a grade in this stupid idea. For all you big mathematicians are just so dam smart that unless you can divide and multiply by infinity then you are nobody eh. It's like droping names... droping big values does not make you a better mathematician... The last guy like you tried to tell me how to figure out the distance of the universe using infinity... had looooooooooooooooooooong equation equaling = infinity +1.

yaaaaaaa he was one smart cookie. I was so impressed... it solved all my life questions. But seriously,,, working with infinity is for idiots who cant comprehand large numbers.

If infinity bigger then GOD?

Is the space between my light bulb bigger then GOD?

If GOD exists that is.

Does it resist more then GOD?

No such thing as infinity man... just big numbers to big for you.

At this "point", I was rolling on the floor laughing. I quickly responded:

(Mar 5, 2006)
Point,

Do I have your permission to post your email to me (and any subsequent emails) on my personal blog? I will post them in their entirety so long as they don't contain vulgarity. I will also offer a link to your webpage.

A simple "yes" or "no" will suffice.

Thanks,

jigawatt

Point wrote back:

(Mar 12, 2006)
Yes.. althoe that last letter was rather cranky, I'm not sure it you want to post it as is.

I'm tempted to write him back and say something to the effect of "I love your satire about division by zero - poking fun at idiots who think you can divide by zero is pure genius."

Where's the dollar?

This riddle really confused me when I was little. I reproduce it here for your enjoyment.

Three guys were on a trip and they got a hotel room together. The hotel clerk told them that the room would be $30, so each man paid a $10 bill. After the gentlemen left the hotel lobby, the clerk realized that their particular room was only supposed to be $25. He took five $1 bills out of the cash drawer and went to the gentlemen's room. As he was walking there, he thought to himself, "How am I going to split five $1 bills between three guys?" He decided to lie to the men. He gave each one of them $1, and he kept the other $2 for himself.

The men paid $30 total, and each one got back $1, so they actually paid $27 total. Add to this the $2 that the clerk kept and you only get $29. Where's the other dollar?


Have fun.

jigawatt sez: increase your wordiness

disinterested (adj) - Free of bias and self-interest; impartial

This word is commonly used as an intellectually sounding replacement for "uninterested". But I like the official definition better. "Uninterested" works fine for its purposes, but when used correctly, "disinterested" brings about an aspect of "interest" that is not as common. The most common use of "interest" means curiosity about something. But there's another use of it like in the phrase "conflict of interest". We say that someone has an "interest" in something if they have a monetary (or otherwise) stake in it, whether or not they are actually curious about it. This "interest" might make them biased if they are asked to comment upon it. Someone who has no "interest" in the thing will be able to make a "disinterested" comment on it, even if they are curious about it.

Is this church?

Last night I was channel surfing and came across Jimmy Swaggart preaching. . .that's if you want to call what he was doing preaching. Until James and I moved to Red Stick, I thought ol' Jimmy had stepped out of the ministry. The last memory I had of him was his tearful apology on TV for solitation of a hooker. Well, he's alive and kickin' here in Baton Rouge. He has a large compound in a nice part of town, and he has a large congregation here. . although I can't figure out what is so appealing about it. Last night on TV, he was "preaching" from an obsure verse out of II Chronicles . . .as is fashionable these days - i.e. prayer of Jabez - talk about a whole lot of nothing. A verse taken out of context, and then book about how to pray in order to get the most blessing out of God. Sounds kinda like "this is how to pray in order to manipulate God into giving your whatever the heck you want. What happened to "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever". We are here to glorify God. He is not here to glorify us. We had a copy of that book & I wanted to throw it out. That's all it good for.

This was Swaggarts' text:
II Chronicles 20:19
"The Levites, from the sons of the Kohathites and of the sons of the Korahites, stood up to praise the LORD God of Israel, with a very loud voice." (New American Standard Bible)

Simple verse. . .just says a group of people were praising God. This is what was going on when I began watching: A woman is waving her hands in air & running laps around the santuary. Jimmy is sitting in a chair on center stage chanting "hallelujah" over and over. Then he reads his text, and says "I want this church to be a shoutin' church!" Then the band starts playing and everyone is jumping and shouting and waving their hands. The whole thing was just riduculous. I know people worship differently, so my big complaint is not about that. It's about the fact that Jimmy didn't teach anything. . .he had the opportinity to reach thousands of households across South LA and he really didn' t do anything with it. He could have talked about why the people were praising God, what God had just done for them, or how God is faithful to His people. But no, all he says is "I want this church to be a shoutin' church." There is no substance to that. I've heard 3 year olds at church say more spiritually profound things than that.

It is sad that there are so many mindless displays of Christianity. You turn on Christian radio and odds are, you hear a repetitive praise and worship chorus with only six words over and over and over. . .or just some stupid song like "Jesus for Prime Minister.". . .or some upbeat song that is all happy and feel good and it's just so fun to be a Christian - emotional high - why don't you hear songs that talk about life when it's not so fun to be a Christain? What about those old hymns that talk of worship when life is tough and you are suffering, like "It is Well with my Soul." That song what written by a man who had lost his family in a terrible tradegy, and found God to be faithful throughout his suffering. That is a song that can teach you something, but I guess it's not upbeat enough to make on the air on "Positive and Encouraging" K-LOV. (K-LOV is not terrible, but it could be better.) I am thankful that I have been blessed with the opportinity to sit under Godly teaching since my days at LA Tech and then in Little Rock at BCLR. Thank you to the men who have not bought into the lie that you can't preach anything of substance because it's not "seeker sensitive" or because your congregation is just too stupid to understand theology. Thank you to the music ministers who believe there's more to worship than running around the church with your shoes off and shouting and chanting repetitive chorous over and over.

God is real and powerful, and the bible is so rich. Why are there so many "ministers" who don't take advantage of that?